'Can you lie next to her, and give her your heart?' - Mumford & Sons

I often wonder what life would be like if my belief in love was jaded. Let's not play games - I am clearly an advocate for the heart-wrenching 'movie love' we so often see sold as the ideal. A brief scan of my previous posts will attest to that. And in doing this my thought's, as they would, tend to stray to past experiences: those moments, those memories, and those people that have shaped the way I feel about current relationships. There is of course a common theme that emerges through this reminiscence: every relationship in my past, whether short or long, has come to an end. And if it entailed an angry parting tirade or a friendly mutual understanding, each goodbye catalysed a fresh dose of knowledge with their passing.
'Do more of this next time.'....'Be less of that next time.'

I question what it is that these past experiences do for us? Do they help or hinder? Do they strengthen us, or simply serve to put doubts in our mind? I know that my own experiences certainly haven't jaded my want for there to be an ideal, but have they limited my actual ability to appreciate it?

An example: My first love was the strongest I've ever felt for someone. Even having had closure on it, on a purely physiological level I know that THAT experience was the most involving emotionally. Now, retrospect tells me that this relationship flourished in a very different world to 'the real world'. As two young people growing up we didn't have the stresses of bills, jobs, and certainly no responsibilities. So, again in retrospect, I know that it is foolish to consign this relationship as my 'ideal'. But what matters most I feel, rather than pander to my 'not living in reality' justification, is my own knowledge that since this, I have never experienced higher highs or, conversely, lower lows. This is what we all look for surely? Haven't we all seen movies that tell us we do? The songs sing about it don't they? This magical rollercoaster, the whirlwind of feelings, of emotions that are uncontrollable and consuming and stupid and needed and welcomed and frightening and primal? And I know, I know, that everyones experiences are different, and I know that putting a childhood sweetheart on a pedestal is foolhardy - but ever since, no matter how much I like the person I'm with, I ask myself the above lyric: I just never realised how important that question was. I believe in a love where there is no doubt. I believe it is out there. I believe that there is someone out there just as geeky about Disney and Harry Potter and books and music as me. Someone who is more than happy to have a duvet day with shitty movies and each other's company. Someone out there who tells me when I'm wrong, but understands when they are. Someone out there who thinks they are lucky to have found me, knowing that those feelings are reciprocated. Someone out there who, when I do lie next to her, I can give her my heart. All of it. Happily.